Unfollow by Megan Phelps-Roper

Read October/November 2019. Published by Quercus Books/riverrun 8th Ocotber 2019. Non-fiction.

Megan Phelps-Roper's upbringing was normal in many ways. She had a loving home, with devoted parents and the normal rough and tumble that comes from having lots of siblings.

But there was something very different about the way Megan was raised that thrust her and her family into the media spotlight - she was born into the infamous Westboro
Baptist Church.

The Westboro Baptist Church is not your normal run of the
mill Baptist Church - instead this is an ultra-religious sect, espousing aggressive homophobic and anti-Semitic views and it is well-known for picketing the funerals of American soldiers and celebrating natural disasters as the will of God.

Megan was brought up to see public protest as a normal way of life - even to the point of protesting outside her own high school graduation - and the only way to spread the one true gospel. She was helping to preach God's truth to the non-believers on their way to Hell.

But in November 2012, at the age of twenty-six, Megan left her church, family and everything she had been raised to believe behind. This is her own, very personal story of how she came to realise that the truth she had been taught since infancy was false, and how she was able to find compassion for others, as well as herself.

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This book was totally fascinating. Having heard quite a lot about the Westboro Baptist Church - after all they are not shy of publicity and have even been the subject of two documentaries by Louis Theroux - I was prepared to thoroughly dislike Megan Phelps-Roper. After all, how can you find common ground with someone who was brought up to hold beliefs that are abhorrent to you?

But Megan's memoir is so utterly honest and compelling that it is impossible to hate her, even though she has done some pretty unpleasant things as part of the Westboro family. Once you understand about Megan's upbringing, it is easy to see how she considered the sect like views of her church and family to be completely normal. Her extended family was a loving one and her whole life revolved around the church that had been started by her own charismatic grandfather. As far as she was concerned, her beliefs and those of her family were correct in every way and even though their actions were reviled by outsiders, they were following the word of God and had a duty to act as they did. 

I still cannot condone the actions that Megan describes being part of in any way, but I now understand the whys and where-fors and this helped me to develop sympathy with Megan. In fact, I found myself taking Megan's side so much that I got quite indignant on her behalf when she could see how the doctrines of the Church were being subverted by the new council of elders!

What I was not prepared for, is the fact that the members of the Westboro Church are all highly educated, and not the ignorant religious fanatics I assumed them to be. It seems incredible to me that anyone who has read and studied as freely as Megan and her family, can still hold the beliefs they do. How they could not appreciate the irony of some of their actions is baffling - protesting outside your win high school graduation and then going in to accept your diploma? Strange indeed!

Megan herself began to question what she had been taught as she got older, and to see that things can be seen in a different light. I am thankful that she did, as it has allowed her to find the compassion and understanding that was missing from her time as a Church member. She has been able to grow in a way that would not have been possible if she had not torn herself away from everything she knew - and I now know how hard she has found this, as she does not shy away from describing how she has struggled. It has been wonderful to share Megan's journey and I am grateful to her for sharing her experiences in this book.

Unfollow is the kind of memoir that I enjoy best - raw and uncompromising, it makes you confront your own truths and reassess how you look at someone who has been raised with such utterly different beliefs to your own. It shows you that the human spirit can redeem itself, no matter how impossible this appears. This is a story about hope and I wish Megan everything good in the future - may you find happiness, Megan.