My Mother, Munchausen's And Me by Helen Naylor (Audio book)

 

My Mother, Munchausen's and Me by Helen Naylor.

Audio book narrated by Helen Naylor.

Released 25th November 2021 by Thread Books.

From the cover:

"There was a time when I loved my mother. It’s shocking to imply that I stopped loving my mum because mothers always love their children and always do their best for them. Mothers are supposed to be good. But my mother wasn’t good."

Ten years ago, Helen Naylor discovered her mother, Elinor, had been faking debilitating illnesses for 30 years. After Elinor’s self-induced death, Helen found her diaries, which Elinor wrote daily for more than 50 years. The diaries reveal not only the inner workings of Elinor’s twisted mind and self-delusion, but also shocking revelations about Helen’s childhood.

Everything Helen knew about herself and her upbringing was founded on a lie. The unexplained accidents and days spent entirely on her own as a little girl, imagining herself climbing into the loft and disappearing into a different world, tell a story of neglect. As a teenager, her mother’s advice to Helen on her body and mental health speaks of dangerous manipulation.

With Elinor’s behaviour becoming increasingly destructive, and Helen now herself a mother, she was left with a stark choice: to collude with Elinor’s lies or be accused of abandoning her.

My Mother, Munchausen’s and Me is a heart-breaking, honest, and brave account of a daughter unravelling the truth about her mother and herself. It’s a story of a stolen childhood, mental illness, and the redemptive power of breaking a complex and toxic bond.

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My Mother, Munchausen's and Me is a heart-breaking account of one woman's discovery that everything she thought she knew about her mother and their relationship was based on lies, and that far from loving and wanting the best for her daughter her mother Elinor was consumed by the need for attention to the detriment of all other things in her life, including her own health.

When Helen became a mother herself, she began to question quite how much of her childhood had been as normal as she had previously thought. Despite her father's considerable medical problems, their family life revolved around Elinor's conviction that she was suffering from ME (Myalgic encephalomyelitis). As Helen realised that her own idea of motherhood looked very different to the way Elinor behaved, she gradually realised that there were huge inconsistencies between the things Elinor said and did.

It wasn't until Elinor claimed to be suffering from severe Parkinson's Disease, manufacturing traits of the disease that she had obviously read about but never seen, that Helen came to understand that her mother was actually displaying all the symptoms of both Munchausen's Disease and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but her attempts to make her suspicions known to the medical practitioners treating Elinor mostly fell on deaf ears. Eventually, the toll on Helen of living with Elinor's increasingly bizarre behaviour led to a breakdown in their relationship, and Elinor's mental and physical condition deteriorated so much that she brought about her own death.

Helen originally decided to write down her experiences as a record for her children to read once they had grown-up, but as she started to tell her story, she realised that this would become much more than a private family account of her relationship with her mother - especially when she came to read the diaries that Elinor had left behind. Reading Elinor's own words not only came to confirm everything Helen had suspected about her mother's mental health, but shockingly brought home quite how much she had been neglected and abused during her own childhood. Instead, this book has become not only a moving memoir, but also a way to raise awareness about Munchausen's Syndrome and Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

There is so much to take from this book, not just about being more aware of of two largely undiagnosed conditions, but also about how the lack of joined up thinking in the health system contributes to them going under the radar - and perhaps more importantly, highlights that the widely held belief that all mothers are loving and caring is not the truth, and sometimes you need to separate yourself from toxic relationships for your own good.

This is really not my usual sort of audio book listen, but Helen's account of her life is so compelling that I found myself hanging onto every word as she recounted her experiences, especially since I saw my own mother fade away in the grip of Parkinson's Disease, and I have nothing but praise for her brave decision to share her story. I urge you all to read, or listen, to this one, because it is a real eye-opener of a profoundly shocking tale. Interestingly, this is actually a book which encourages you to examine your own family relationships too!

My Mother, Munchausen's and Me is available to buy now in paperback, ebook and audio formats from your favourite book retailer.

Thank you to Thread Books for allowing me to have access to the audio version of this memoir.

About the author:

Helen Naylor has been writing as a hobby since she was a small girl; but it wasn't until she began a memoir about growing up with a mother who faked illnesses and had narcissistic personality traits that she was encouraged to pursue writing professionally. Helen lives in Nottingham with her husband; two children and cat and enjoys cycling; playing guitar and drinking good coffee.